Katelyn

At the weekend a news story went viral about a 12 year old American girl taking her own life and live streaming the whole event on social media. Katelyn Nicole Davis from Georgia recorded a 42 minute video in her backyard on 30th December, featuring a heartbreaking explanation to camera as to why she was deciding to end her life, followed by her apparently hanging herself from a tree in the fading daylight. The news story focused upon the fact that the tragic event unfolded live on the internet, with the potential ramifications of this, and the inevitable difficulties in attempting to take the video down, as there is no legal obligation to do so (although the moral obligation is undisputed). Whilst the manner of her suicide being carried out for the world to see is clearly a significant concern, it was not what stuck with me when reading the multitude of articles that sprang up on Saturday. Clearly issues of social media and the ways that people live out their lives on the web is a big feature of society in the 21st century, and one that cannot go unanalysed. However, what concerned me more was that a 12 year old girl felt that her only option was to cut short her life, with all of it’s undeniable potential, because she believed she had nowhere else to turn to. In an age where we can put a man on the moon, travel to the other side of the world in less than 24 hours, and discover cures for natures most deadly of diseases, how can we find ourselves reading about a little girl in so much pain and anguish that her only option was to cease living?

I haven’t watched the video myself (why anyone would want to I can’t imagine), but some of the articles showed pictures and featured transcripts of her final words. Apparently she was abused mentally and physically by her step father, as well as having suffered with depression and a tendency to self harm for many years. And all that by the age of 12. It’s impossible to know exactly what was going on within her mind, and what support (if any) she was receiving from her family and friends. But what is clear is that her final words are both chilling and devastating:

“I’m sorry – I’m sorry that I’m not pretty enough…I’m sorry I came into your lives just to get out of it this quickly. I’m sorry for everything. I’m really and truly sorry for everything. But I can’t do this. I’m sorry…I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry I let this depression get to me.”

See how many times she apologises. She has been the victim of abuse, and of a terrible illness, and yet she is the one saying sorry. Society should be apologising to Katelyn for letting her down. Depression really is such an irrational illness, which causes you to despise and blame yourself for everything. She has allowed the dark thoughts and feelings of hopelessness to infest and take over her mind, and this is something I can relate to as it is a daily challenge that is faced by many people. But what is impossible to grasp is how for a 12 year old girl these thoughts and feelings prevented her from seeing any other way out.

We live in an incredibly connected world, in which communication with people in the far reaches of the planet is possible at the touch of a button. However, this network of connectivity can further highlight the feelings of loneliness or isolation that the mentally vulnerable feel, rather than providing an outlet for compassionate consideration. The loneliest of moments are often not during times of being on ones own, but rather when one is surrounded by others, both physically or virtually, as you are privy to the kinds of human relationships or successes that you fiercely yearn for. Rather than a casual sense of longing that you may feel when alone, this becomes a source of desperate painful longing when you see these relationships existing in the real world, but just out reach.

Depression is without doubt this centuries biggest health crisis. It’s not good enough that someone may have to wait 12 or 18 months before getting therapy that may save their life. It’s not good enough that systematic child abuse goes unchallenged and unpunished. And it’s not good enough that depression plays a part in at least 50% of all suicides, and that the statistics are going in the wrong direction. I know that every time I feel that the darkness is enveloping me, or that I am not strong enough to go on coping, I will think of Katelyn. We cannot let this illness keep on killing, and we have to ask ourselves some very stark questions. Is enough being done? No. Is there a quick and obvious fix. Not really. Do we need to do something at all costs? Without question. The tragedy is that for Katelyn it is already too late.

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